When I look back to see when this all really started; I realize it really began with my dad's passing. I was very close to my dad. He was a good dad. A loving, hardworking, giving, family-oriented man. He was the core of our family; someone we all looked up to. He was smart, funny, and well balanced. I realize now that he fulfilled all my needs emotionally and when he passed I felt a deep hole in my life that I was searching to fill. As the eldest in the family I also felt obligated to try and keep the family together, to care for the family, to fill my dads place. I felt I failed at this; I just did not have the capacity to fill my dads shoes. I went years unhappy, not understanding why. I had grieved, but did not understand the emotional hole that my dad had left. My husband at the time had not changed, but he could not fill this hole, as he was not meant to. I was searching for someone to fill this gap. I know now that no one person can fill this gap. I needed to learn to love myself unconditionally as much as my dad did and fill the gap myself.
This was the beginning of my awakening process, the big event in my life that changed me forever and awoke me to begin discovering who I truly am.
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